Your First Thing To Do When Getting Divorced: Make a List

If you’re at the beginning of a divorce process—initiated by either you or your ex—or you’re still deciding if it’s the right decision, you’re likely feeling overwhelmed.

You might be finding it hard to know what the next right step is and you may be struggling to take any kind of action.

There’s a simple reason for this and it’s rooted in science. It’s called the amygdala hijack.

Your brain has an amygdala in each hemisphere of the brain, and it’s responsible for functions like defining and regulating emotions, and storing memories. It also activates the fight-or-flight response, signaling your brain to pump stress hormones that prepare you to fight for survival or flee to safety.

And unlike the ancient days when wild animals were a real threat, our fight-or-flight responses today are often triggered by emotions like stress, anxiety, aggression, fear, or anger.

Another part of your brain—the frontal lobes—are a bit more rational than your amygdala. They’re responsible for voluntary actions like reasoning, thinking, movement, decision-making, and planning. They allow you to evaluate your emotions and then use your experiences and judgement to respond. They’re not automatic like the ones generated by the amygdala.

So, what does this have to do with divorce and making lists?

Well, when your brain is perceiving a strong threat—like the intense emotions of relationship challenges and divorce—your amygdala may trigger a fight-or-flight response, pumping stress hormones throughout your body and leading to overwhelm.

And in that overwhelm, your brain is over-taxed and struggles to process information and make decisions. You may experience a reduced ability to think critically or weigh different options. You might have full-blown analysis paralysis, too unsure to take any steps forward. 

But here’s the good news: mindfulness is one of the best antidotes to an amygdala hijack. It’s a super effective way to reduce overwhelm. It's a powerful practice that will carry you through the ups and downs of any situation that life brings you. It fosters awareness so that you can make thoughtful decisions and take aligned action.