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A man, woman, and child smiling while sitting around a holiday dinner table. Text says "Navigating the Holidays During Divorce: 5 Practical Tips to Manage Expectations and Communication."

Navigating the Holidays During Divorce: 5 Practical Tips to Manage Expectations and Communication

Author: Jamie Milam

Date: December 17, 2024

The expectations and scheduling demands around Christmas (or any holiday, really) can create stress and tension—even in the best of times. We all want to experience a magical, drama-free holiday season, but the reality is often far from this... especially if you're going through a break up.

Navigating the holidays during divorce is an added challenge you never asked for. But if it's your reality, you need to start thinking of the best way to handle it.

Because here's the thing: You can still have your magical holiday season—whatever that looks like to you!—but it'll take some planning, processing, and setting clear expectations and boundaries. Navigating the holidays during divorce is not impossible, but you need to be wise about it.

You deserve an amazing holiday season, even if you're going through a divorce right now—especially if you're going through one! So, here we'll explore some practical tips to communicate well with your ex during this time, plus my own experiences and life lessons in navigating divorce during the holidays.

My Story: The First Christmas Post-Divorce

I always want to be open and honest about my personal experiences because I believe they can help other people in the same situation. So, when it comes to navigating a divorce during the holidays, let me give it to you straight: it was hard. The first year particularly so and while it's getting easier as time goes on, divorce has shifted things in my life that I'll always need to navigate during the holiday season.

The plan for our first Christmas after getting divorced was that we would still spend Christmas day together. This was important to my ex during our mediation discussions, and we laid out a clear plan for Christmas day to spend it together with our son.

A woman smiling at a holiday party with text that says "By preparing for the emotional highs and lows of navigatingth holidays during divorce, you're better prepared to handle them."

And then he switched it up. Two weeks before Christmas, my ex changed the plan and said he no longer wanted to all be together on Christmas Day. When I tell you I was mad, I was mad. I was frustrated and upset and annoyed and all the emotions—I was definitely in a very highly reactive state.

Knowing I was in an emotionally reactive state, I didn't respond for a couple of days. My goal is always to care for my son, first, and I knew that blowing up at his dad would not benefit their relationship. So I took time to consider my options (and have a good ole therapy session on it), of which I saw two:

I could force the original plan and subject my son to a tense environment all day if his dad didn't want to be there, or...
I could honor what my ex was expressing he needed—even if I didn't agree—so my son wouldn't experience a tense, uncomfortable day.

The reason I work to maintain an amicable relationship with my ex at all is for the sake of my son. So while this change had bigger effects (i.e., family members who were no longer coming over), I had to do what was best for my kiddo. And what's best for him is a relationship with his dad, even if it means spending some time away from me on Christmas.

And even though I was so close to losing my shit with all the changed plans, I waited and took my time to respond so I could remain calm and grounded. I agreed to my ex seeing my son on Christmas Eve that year.

I knew changes would occur after divorce, I was expecting some challenging post-divorce "firsts" to navigate—but this was a big one. Did I emotionally spiral a bit on Christmas Eve? Yep. I scream-cried for a time to let it all go.... and then I did. I let it go and processed through my shit. Cause it was my shit to process, not something to project onto my ex and certainly not onto my son.

On reflecting back to that year, I'm grateful I'd done so much inner healing and self-awareness work prior to it. It's not that I handled everything perfectly or wasn't upset by all these changes, but I had some tools in place to navigate and process through it. And, I'm still learning—new tools, new strategies, and how to implement them in my life. So, let's walk through some of them here so you (and I!) can walk through this holiday season post-divorce with self-awareness and grace.

5 Tips to Navigate the Holidays During Divorce

Navigating the holidays during divorce isn't an easy thing to do, but a necessary one. But in planning ahead and anticipating some of the emotional changes and challenges that arise, you can handle it with grace.

Here are five tips on navigating the holidays during a divorce:

1. Get Your Schedule Sorted

It is so, so, so important to set clear expectations around schedule and availability to make sure everyone is on the same page. It's important to have conversations about what the plans are and then finalize them in your calendar or something like the Our Family Wizard App.

2. ...And Expect It Will Change

Just as it's important to get clear on the schedule, you need to also leave some room for the unexpected. Even if you aren't navigating through divorce, change happens! Be flexible to what might come up, whether big or small. This might not remove the frustrations of changed plans, but you'll be better able to deal with it if you are prepared for it.

3. Keep Some Traditions

Part of your discussion around expectations and plans for the holidays should include the traditions that are important to keep.

You and your child(ren) may still opt to do some things on your own and other things with your ex. Others might not be possible that year. But if you can at least keep a few important traditions alive during the holidays, you can create a sense of normalcy during a challenging season of change.

Text that says "here's the thing: You can still have your magical holiday season—whatever that looks like to you!—but it'll take some planning, processing, and setting clear expectations and boundaries. Navigating the holidays during divorce is not impossible, but you need to be wise about it."

4. ...And Make New Ones

I love the traditions I've built with my son over the years. But, I'm also excited to create new ones with him! Now that things look different, it makes sense to also make space for new traditions.

The second Christmas after my divorce, I didn't want the same experience as the year before, so I communicated with my ex that I wanted to go to New York with my son (a bucket-list place for him!). He agreed and we went, having an awesome time. It was part of creating a new tradition or experience with my son. And, I'm so grateful my ex agreed to it as I recognize the loss of collective traditions is hard on him too.

5. Prioritize Self-Care

Navigating the holidays during divorce might mean you're spending time on your own or with different people than you're used to. That's hard. It's so important to think (in advance) of how you'll prioritize self-care during that time. This could include:

Treating yourself to a nice meal, bottle of wine, or luxury. Do something a little extra that will feel special and memorable—you deserve it!
Planning out activities you can do to occupy your time while your kid(s) are away with their other parent. Even something as simple as a Christmas movie is good to have lined up! Even though it's tough to be away from them, planning ahead to manage your emotions is a key way to support your kids through this divorce.
Make a list of safe and supportive people you can reach out to if you're having a hard time. You can even give them the heads-up that you may call or stop by in advance.
Repeat some mantras to yourself throughout the day that keep you grounded and focused on what's important.
Take some "time outs" as needed throughout the holiday season. It's okay to step away for a few minutes or hours to collect yourself and regroup.

By preparing for the emotional highs and lows of navigating the holidays during divorce, you're better prepared to handle them. While the season might not be the same this year, it can still be full of joy, fun, and good memories.

If you're looking for more practical tips to navigate divorce, the podcast and blog are full of real-life advice and resources to support your journey. You can also check out the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative, where we post resources, tools, and a list of divorce professionals to empower you with the information and knowledge you need.

To making this your holiday,

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About Me

I'm Jamie Milam, a determined AF woman who's embraced life after divorce by finding peace through self-awareness, intentional decision-making, and thrilling new travel adventures.

As a Realtor® in Charlotte, NC (and your connection to top agents nationwide), I’m passionate about guiding you through your homeownership and design goals—while also helping you create space for the things you love. My mission is to empower you to create a life of alignment too - at home, abroad, and within.

Whether it’s through real estate tips, home design inspiration, or solo travel experiences for divorced, independent women, I hope this space encourages you to discover deeper self-awareness and build a life that aligns with your passions and needs.

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Jamie Milam is a Realtor® in the Charlotte, NC area, licensed in both NC & SC, and has the ability to refer you to a number of agent partners across the nation, regardless of where you may live. She is an enthusiast for the power of awareness and believes it can be used in all facets of life to support aligned living.

**Disclosure** This post may contain affiliate links and they are at no additional cost to you, though I may earn a small commission. Don't worry, I only recommend products or services that I have tried or believe would be of great value to you! All opinions expressed are those of my own!