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Sending Your Kids Off to College:
What to Expect and 4 Tips to Navigate the Transition
Author:Â Jamie Milam
Date:Â Â Â August 5, 2024
Life transitions are tough. Whether it's navigating life after divorce, making a move, or starting a new job a new job, change comes with many emotional ups and downs.
Even exciting transitions bring practical and psychological impacts you need to navigate. And sending your kids off to college is one of the biggest ones I can think of. My son is heading off to college shortly and I'm about to be an empty-nester.
And while I'm so excited for him and now this is the right change, I'm also feeling all the feels. I expect that there will be many ups and downs and, thanks to my work on self-awareness and emotional regulation, I have tools and strategies in place to manage them.
Here we'll talk about what to expect when sending your kid off to college and offer four practical tips on how to deal.
What to Expect When Sending Your Child to College
Moving out of the house to go to college is not just a big transition for your child—it's a big one for you, too. Your routine will change and you'll likely deal with a wide spectrum of emotions. For many—especially those single parents or those going through a divorce or other life changes—it can be a lot to handle.
That's why it's important to be prepared and know what to expect during this transitional season.
So, before anything, remember this: your feelings are normal, your emotions are valid. Expect the emotional ups and downs to come and prepare for them. Everyone is different, but it's common to experience some of these emotions:
- Sadness about your child growing up and leaving.
- Excitement for their new adventure.
- Loneliness when they aren't around and you have more time to yourself.
- Confusion about how to spend your time or craft your routine.
- Loss of identity around being a mom and what you should be doing now.
- Sense of purposelessness and unsure how to spend your time.
- Guilt around enjoying time to yourself.
- Worry about how your child is making out in their new environment.
There's a whole spectrum of emotions that come with a life change like your child heading off to college. And, it's likely you'll experience many of them over and over again.
I invite you to take a deep breath and allow those feelings to wash over you. Let them exist and hold space for them. It's going to be okay. You are equipped with the tools and strategies to get through this season in a positive way.
4 Tips to Try When You've Sent Your Child Off to College
Knowing you can expect a whole myriad of emotions is honestly half the battle. Instead of being surprised by your grief or confusion or worry, you can accept that it's normal and move forward.
The other half, though, is setting yourself up for emotional success by choosing activities and strategies that help ease the transition. There are many things to do, practically, that help you prepare for this time in your life. Here are four tips to try out.
1. Create Space to Comfort Yourself
When you anticipate big emotions, you can prepare for them. Consider these self-soothing methods that help you process your feelings such as:
- Breathing exercises to regulate your nervous system.
- Journaling or talking things out with a friend.
- Taking a walk.
- Listening to calming music.
- Scheduling an appointment with your therapist.
- Using daily mantras to get in the right headspace.
It's important to have these things on hand for two reasons. You want to stay calm in the moment with your child so you don't add stress and worry to them, but you also want to feel and process those things later on. These strategies can help you do both those things and bring you back to a centered and grounded place.
2. Make Time in Your Calendar
You don't need to just make time to help with the practical side of things, like moving furniture or orientation activities, but you need to make time for you.
I am intentionally keeping my calendar light for the days before and after drop-off, so I have room to offer myself grace and self-care for any emotions that may need attention. I'm anticipating big feelings to come up, so I want to have the time freedom to go for a walk or call a friend when needed. This requires setting some important boundaries around my work and responsibilities so I'm not over-filling my calendar with things to do.
Another way to make time in your calendar is to stay in the town overnight so you can have breakfast with your child the next day before leaving. This way you can always be nearby to grab any last minute items that they may have realized they needed after their first night in their dorm. Plus, you get to be around to get a sense of how they managed their first night—the reality is they'll likely do just fine, but you'll feel better seeing it rather than hoping for it. This kind of closure can be really helpful during a transition.
3. Tap Back Into Your Interests
When your child moves out of your house, it may feel like your sense of self leaves, too. You're still a mom, of course, but the way you support and interact with your child changes. You may also find that it's harder to maintain boundaries or self-discipline if you've been leaning on your parental responsibilities as the expressed reason for them. You may experience a loss of identity or even some confusion about what your next steps are.
So, this is a time to tap back into your interests and regain your sense of self. You want to fill your own cup and feed your soul with things you love. Here are a couple of things I've done in preparation:
- Booked a long weekend getaway to Big Corn Island in Nicaragua. The beach is my happy place and this will rejuvenate me! It's a few weeks after he moves in (allowing me to be close enough in case he still needs anything in his first couple of weeks), and I'll return in time to visit for Parents' Weekend, so the ideal time frame to be available to support him while doing something for me.
- Purchased tickets to a concert. Music never fails me and I love going to concerts. It feeds my soul and just makes me feel like me again. It's something to look forward to and a way I can prioritize my own interests.
You can also find your sense of self again during this transition by tapping into your support system. Spending time with people who know and love you will help you transition into a new season of life.
What this looks like in my life is heading to my 20-year high school reunion in Oklahoma to connect with one of my besties. I also booked a flight to Vegas to celebrate my sister's 40th birthday and will see another friend there. It's a little mini vacay treat to myself—no expectations or agenda, just a good time with people I love. The amazing part, too, is that my flight was covered thanks to the miles I earned through my amazing Chase card.
4. Practically Support Your Child
In all the emotions of your child moving out and heading off to college, it can be really helpful to just roll up your sleeves and get some stuff done. Practically helping your child get set up is, of course, great for their transition, but it also sets your mind at ease.
One of the best practical ways to help the transition is by setting them up in their dorm for success (and comfort!). Here are some of my top Amazon picks that can make a huge difference:
- A power tower with 11 outlets and a six-foot extension cord for all their electronics.
- A laundry bag backpack to make hauling clothes to and from the washing machine a breeze.
- Cotton bath towels that are both high-quality and affordable. I received them as a gift 10 years ago and they're still in great shape with no odor!
- A foam mattress topper to transform any bed into a comfortable one.
- A mattress protector to keep things clean and cozy while helping the mattress topper fit even better.
- Dividers for a dresser to help stay organized.
Is there anything else that should be added to the list? These items may be small in the grand scheme of the transition, but they're so important in helping your child feel set up and helping you know they're going to be okay.
Sending your child off to college is a big transition, so don't downplay what's happening. You're allowed to have big emotions and you're most certainly allowed to employ techniques and strategies to deal with them, including slowing down and making space for yourself.Â
At the end of the day, you need to take care of you so that you can take care of others. So use this time to tap back into your own identity and embrace the change as a new positive path you're about to adventure on.
To the next phase of your life,
Save this post to come back to or share with a friend!
Jamie Milam is a Realtor® in the Charlotte, NC area, licensed in both NC & SC, and has the ability to refer you to a number of agent partners across the nation, regardless of where you may live. She is an enthusiast for the power of awareness and believes it can be used in all facets of life to support aligned living.
**Disclosure** This post may contain affiliate links and they are at no additional cost to you, though I may earn a small commission. Don't worry, I only recommend products or services that I have tried or believe would be of great value to you! All opinions expressed are those of my own!
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