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Why You Need a Divorce Team

[And How to Get Started]

Divorce can make you feel so alone. Trust me, I know.

My first Christmas post-divorce stands out in particular. Instead of all our regular traditions—matching PJs, opening gifts, house full of extended family for the day —it was different. It was just my son and me, and things had changed.

I’m not denying those real and valid emotions of feeling alone, unsure, fearful, and all the other things you’re experiencing.

But I do want to pick apart that idea of being alone. Because the truth is, millions of other women have been where you are. They’ve gone through or are going through a divorce right now. They’re in your family, around your neighborhood, at your nail salon, or online.

Not only that, but there are professionals and experts with deep knowledge and expertise about the various facets of divorce. Many of them have also personally experienced divorce. They can work with you and for you to make the best possible decisions for your present and future.

This community of women is exactly who can help you get through this season with more peace and alignment.

So, are you ready to assemble your Divorce Team? Here’s what that is, why you need one, and how to get started.

Why You Need a Divorce Team

A divorce team is made up of the professionals you’ll work with before, during, and after your divorce.

Because no matter how amicable or “simple,” your divorce is, there are many moving parts. You may hire an attorney to take care of the legal aspect, but that’s not all there is to it. Attorneys are not experts in all fields that divorce encompasses and if you aren’t proactive in seeking out other professionals, you may be kicking yourself for leaving it until after agreements are signed.

Throughout a divorce you have to think about finances, your house and other assets, children, new routines, future plans, work, and—perhaps most importantly—your mental health.

Navigating it all on your own is challenging (to say the least). Instead, bring together experts in their field who are also knowledgeable and trained specifically regarding divorce in their profession.

Your divorce team may encompass the following professionals:

Realtor®
Mortgage Advisor
Lawyer
Financial Planner or Analyst
Therapist
Coach

A divorce team is made up of the professionals you’ll work with before, during, and after your divorce.

Throughout a divorce you have to think about finances, your house and other assets, children, new routines, future plans, work, and—perhaps most importantly—your mental health.

Your divorce team may encompass the following professionals:

Realtor®
Mortgage Advisor
Lawyer
Financial Planner or Analyst
Therapist
Coach

Each person has a specific role to play that will help support you through the process. And, when you choose professionals who are specifically trained and experienced in the divorce area of their field, they can help streamline and simplify everything. They are working with you for your best end goal.

When you proactively seek out a divorce team and equip yourself with knowledge and resources, you’re better positioned to move through your divorce in a healthy way. You'll begin to identify and explore different strategies and how they apply to you, giving you the opportunity to choose the best one for you. You’ll feel more calm and peaceful knowing you have your bases covered and can save both time and money working with the right people.

"Just like my real estate clients - there is not a single set of homeowners, property or transaction that has been just like another. They are unique. Their strategies must be tailored to them. The concepts may be similar, but the exact moving parts will be different, the timelines will be different, the emotions will be different, the steps forward will be different. Divorce is like that ladies."

- Jamie on episode 52 of Divorced & Determined AF podcast

Becoming Divorced and Determined AF

This idea of assembling a divorce team came out of my own experiences. I was working on some research for an educational piece for clients who needed to sell their homes because of a divorce. I reached out to past clients, friends, neighbors, and anyone I knew who had experienced divorce and asked: looking back with hindsight, what are you glad you knew (or wish you'd done differently) when it came to selling your home or dividing assets?

I never could have been prepared for all the conversations that followed this simple question. Discussions started flowing that went way beyond a house or assets, but so many questions came up about divorce in general:

What are my options?
Who can help me?
I don't know if I like this lawyer, how can I find someone else?
I'm scared to restart my life—where do I start?
I wish I'd known...

"I wish I'd known..." A simple phrase that carries a lot of meaning. I started realizing that many women felt exactly how I did during my divorce—confused, a little lost, fearful, and not always knowing where to go or what to do.

Through these conversations, I realized that many women were turning to Google or perhaps a few close friends for answers, trying to piece together a roadmap of what to do. They were struggling to find reliable answers or not understanding where to start, and honestly were overwhelmed with the task of looking through different resources. I realized that many people were not having open conversations about this topic, thanks to the unfortunate taboo divorce still is in this country.

divorced and determined af podcast for women

I started reaching out to other professionals in the divorce arena to find some answers to all the I-wish-I-had-knowns these women had. And I learned about a ton of available resources out there—many we simply just don't know about! I felt the tug in my heart to use my skills and knowledge in using internal and external awareness to create aligned strategies to help women navigate divorce. After all, the decisions made in this space are long-lasting and often life-changing.

All this led to two very exciting things:

I rebranded my podcast to Divorced and Determined AF where we talk about divorce, learn from experts, create systems and processes to stay on track and focus on creating an aligned life. Check out new episodes here.
I launched the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative, a free resource center with worksheets, handouts and other resources to help you navigate divorce. Sign up for access here.

Simply put, these tools are designed to help women cut through the noise and find their path forward through divorce. And in doing so, you can build and live your most fully aligned life.

Where to Start: 3 Tips for Navigating Divorce

I share my story and background so you know where I'm coming from and see the need to assemble your divorce team of people who will come around you and help you in this season of life.

But there may be just one question on your mind: Great. Now what? Where do I start?

I'll leave you with these three practical steps:

1. Shift your mindset:

The first thing I encourage all women experiencing divorce is to shift your mindset from, "I'm alone in this," to "I may feel alone, but I'm not. There are people who can help me on this journey." Use it as a mantra, set it as the background on your phone, whatever you need to do—shift away from that idea that you're alone or lost in this process and towards a mindset of empowerment, knowing there are people—your friends, other women experiencing divorce, and professionals—who can help you navigate.

2. Educate yourself:

The next step is to empower yourself with information. Access resources through the P.E.A.C.E. of Mind Initiative, talk to other women, listen to podcasts, read books... educate yourself. Information is power and allows you to make the best choices possible for your circumstances. No two divorces are exactly the same. While there may be similarities, the players and their life experiences are very different. Seeking information as to what options are available and what may happen is just as imperative as making sure you partner with the professionals who can help you determine if they are available to you and which strategies may be the right path for you. Within our resource center we provide worksheets and checklists to help you interview professionals, gather information, know what to consider and more. It's ever-growing too.

3. Cultivate self-awareness:

As you do your mindset work and arm yourself with education and knowledge, it's important to stay in touch with your inner knowing. Self-awareness is a powerful tool because, as you cultivate deep intuition, you make more aligned and fulfilling choices. You can do this by remaining reflective throughout your divorce journey. This could include talking with a counselor, journaling, using a guided resource like my Self-Awareness Mastery tool, meditation, or other tools that help you reflect and grow in your internal awareness. Often our frustration or outbursts stem from fear. Be willing to dig into that and try to identify what fears you have and what questions you need answers to that would alleviate them, so write those questions down so you have starting points for which professionals to include on your divorce team.

No one wants to go through a divorce. It can be a difficult process that turns your world upside down.

And yet, it's part of your story now. And there's an opportunity here to move through it with self-awareness and a growth mindset so that you can move into your next aligned chapter. And you're not alone in this—there are people and resources here to help. I know you've got this, my friend.

If you want to assemble your own expert divorce team, check out the directory inside the P.E.A.C.E of Mind Initiative to connect with professionals who will work for you every time.

To new pathways,

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About Me

I'm Jamie Milam, a determined AF woman who's embraced life after divorce by finding peace through self-awareness, intentional decision-making, and thrilling new travel adventures.

As a Realtor® in Charlotte, NC (and your connection to top agents nationwide), I’m passionate about guiding you through your homeownership and design goals—while also helping you create space for the things you love. My mission is to empower you to create a life of alignment too - at home, abroad, and within.

Whether it’s through real estate tips, home design inspiration, or solo travel experiences for divorced, independent women, I hope this space encourages you to discover deeper self-awareness and build a life that aligns with your passions and needs.

Have you scoped the podcast that empowers women to make aligned decisions in a divorce?

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Jamie Milam is a Realtor® in the Charlotte, NC area, licensed in both NC & SC, and has the ability to refer you to a number of agent partners across the nation, regardless of where you may live. She is an enthusiast for the power of awareness and believes it can be used in all facets of life to support aligned living.

**Disclosure** This post may contain affiliate links and they are at no additional cost to you, though I may earn a small commission. Don't worry, I only recommend products or services that I have tried or believe would be of great value to you! All opinions expressed are those of my own!